Lunar Phases
by qwerty19
Summary: When Luna Lovegood become interested in something, she tends to go a bit...overboard. This is a series of one-shots (unless otherwise stated) of her 'Lunar Phases.' No crossovers, but beware of references. Warning: Rolling on the floor laughing can cause you to bump your head. Please firmly grasp your computer while reading this fanfic.
1. The Shipper

First read. Then review. Then, if you so desire, follow and favorite. Then win the lottery, giving 50% to me, and I'll buy a hot tub filled with frosting. Then read again.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or J.K. Rowling. I am not making any money off of this, because if I did the previous statement would not exist. Anything you recognize, I don't have ownership rights to. However, I do own, oh, wait, I don't own that either. Rats.

Lunar Phases

Chapter 1: The Shipper

Being a Ravenclaw, it was no surprise to see Luna with her nose in a book, ignoring the outside world. She would expertly navigate the crowded halls and moving staircases without ever taking her eyes off of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , _Moste Potente Potions_ or other texts. Sometimes, she would stand in a corner, facing away from everyone else, and read The Quibbler upside-down. Why should this inconspicuous black book be any different? However, there was something… odd about the way she handled this book, and considering this is Luna, that's saying something. She angled the book so that the title was hidden from observers. She would consistently write in it, and would giggle a bit while doing so. It was almost as if it was a diary, but Luna was very open about her usage of a diary, often writing in it in public, so that possibility was out. This mystery was frustrating one Harry Potter, and he resolved to find out just what in Merlin's polka dotted fanny pack she was up to.

Using the Marauders Map, Harry discovered that she was sitting by the Black Lake, so he casually strolled over there. Sure enough, she was there, wand behind her ear, quill in hand. That darn book was on her lap, and she was scribbling furiously in it, as if whatever was on her mind would disappear if she didn't write it down that second. Harry snuck up behind her in what he thought was a stealthy manner and peeked over her shoulder. Harry saw the title and paled. It was obvious that she was writing some kind of story, and if the title was any indication, he wouldn't like it one bit. He took off his glasses and rubbed them furiously on his robes to clean them off, then put them back on his face, hoping to see something different. However, to his overwhelming disappointment, the title was static. It horrified him.

 _Harry and Draco, a Time Traveling Romance_

 _By lunarharmonyftw_

"Hello, Harry." He jumped back at Luna's words, not realizing that she noticed him. He mentally slapped himself at that. He was kneeling besides her, staring at the words for a good half a minute. Of course she would notice.

"Um, h-hello L-Luna. What… what is that?" He couldn't form a coherent sentence, the thought of him and Draco in any kind of romantic involvement, let alone a time traveling romance, traumatized him.

Luna acted like she didn't notice, or perhaps she just didn't mind. "Oh, do you like my fanfiction? I've been putting a lot of time into it."

"I've noticed." Harry mumbled, a wave of nausea passing over him. He suddenly wished he hadn't investigated into Luna's secretive actions, but he couldn't help but ask a plethora of questions. Stupid curiosity. "What's a fanfiction?" He wondered if he would be bruised from all the mental slaps he was giving himself. "Why are Draco and I in a 'Time Traveling Romance'? What the heck does that even mean? Why am I in a romance with one of my worst enemies? Why are you calling yourself _lunarharmonyftw_ instead of Luna?" Harry had so many questions spinning around in his head, none of which he wanted answers for. However, he had one last inquiry that he needed to make. "Is this another one of your Lunar Phases?"

Luna gave him her signature dreamy look, staring at a spot a few inches above his head. "Hold on Harry, you have some Nargles in your hair. It appears to be making you panic. Let me take care of that for you." She put her hands in his hair and moved it around like a nurse does when checking for lice. Harry humored her for a minute but was growing impatient. He was about to speak up when she finished. Harry didn't notice any difference except that his hair was even messier, but Luna seemed satisfied. "There you go, they're gone for the time being. Now, I will answer your questions in order so as to make it easier for the reader."

"Huh?"

"First off, a fanfiction is a work, usually written, about preexisting characters and settings. They can be about real people, like the One Direction fanfics by their many fangirls, or they can be about fictional characters, like Skipper and Kowalski from the _Penguins of Madagascar_. You're in a time traveling romance with Draco because I'm shipping you two, obviously. I love Drarry! A time traveling romance is where two people who love each other go back in time to save people. It's such an original idea, too! He may be your worst enemy, but one time you were fighting, and a bludgeoning hex hit you, and you had to go to the Hospital Wind. As punishment, he had to watch over you and help heal you. Eventually, as time went on, you two became closer… and closer… even closer… so close that you were but inches away fro-"

"Next answer!" Harry shrieked in a shrill voice. He was surprised with himself. He could go soprano! "Why are you calling yourself _lunarharmonyftw_? Sounds like a Honeydukes candy."

Luna rolled her eyes, moving her whole head to match the movement of her eyes. "No, silly. It's my fanfiction username! Lunar Harmony is a shipping of you, Hermione and me. FTW is for the win!"

Harry decided he'd come back to that later. "Last question, at least for now," mumbling that last tidbit under his breath. "Is this another one of your Lunar Phases?"

Luna visibly bristled. "No! This is not just a phase! This is my life! I am a shipper! This is what I was meant to be!"

Harry sighed. ' _Definitely a Lunar Phase_ ,' he thought to himself. The author of this nonsensical, plot-lacking fanfic would like to give some background information, effectively shattering the fourth wall in the process. You see, Luna Lovegood goes through phases like any other human being. However, she takes them a bit too far, almost to the point of obsession. It's gotten bad enough that she declared herself a daughter of Poseidon and tried to cause an earthquake in the Great Hall. The occupants of Hogwarts have begun to call these phases 'Lunar Phases,' Lunar because Luna means the moon, and Phases because wordplay is fun. The story shall now be continued. Everyone rejoice.

Harry noticed that there was one word she had said multiple times, yet it was foreign to him. "What's shipping? Are you writing about the captain of a ship?"

Luna giggled, a bit embarrassed at having to explain it. "Shipping is when you take two characters that aren't in a relationship but write about them as if they are."

Harry groaned at it. It was too weird for him. However, he was nice, so he ignored the uncomfortable feeling, and asked to read it. Luna complied, and handed him her book. As his eyes scanned the parchment, he was surprised at how well written it was. For some reason, he assumed that it would be terribly written, poor spelling, improper grammar, and an uninteresting plot. However, it was quite the opposite. He stopped to mentally berate himself for thinking a Ravenclaw, Luna no less, could write a bad paper, then continued to read, devouring every word. He was surprised that the topic wasn't as disturbing as he thought, but perhaps that was because it was so well written. Well... it was sort of like a 'chick flick' kind of good, so it was more of a guilty pleasure, but the point remained that he thought it was excellent. "Luna, this… this is fantastic," he breathed in awe.

Luna beamed. "Thank you! I imagine that it would come in handy very soon."

Harry stared at her, bemused. "Come in handy? How could a fanfic be practical?"

Before Luna could answer him, he heard a shout from somewhere behind him. "Hey, Scarface? Tell your parents I said hello! Oh wait… guess you can't, eh Potty?" Harry turned around to face the ferret-like face of Draco Malfoy. Harry didn't have time to retort, as Malfoy just kept going and going, a low blow here, and a low blow there, here a low, there a blow, everywhere a low blow. Usually it was about his parents, but he targeted everyone. Sirius, Cedric, even the muggles from the world cup. After a particularly cruel one about Sirius, Harry was about to snap, when he saw Luna out of the corner of his eye, shaking her head. Her words from earlier floated through his mind. _"I imagine it would come in handy some day."_

Harry started to smile, and walked towards Draco. He kept walking closer and closer, the smile never once faltering. Draco stuttered a bit, visibly unnerved, but he kept going. "Draco, did you know you have beautiful eyes?"

For once in his life, Draco was speechless. Did Potter just say what he thought he said?

Harry decided he liked this silent Draco better. "Draco, I want to snog you senseless. Let's go find a broom closet. I want to feel your hair… I bet it's so soft… what product do you use?" Harry inhaled deeply. "Smells like peaches. I see you're a fan of Suave… a cheap but effective hair care product."

"What the heck…" Draco replied breathlessly, the weirdness of the situation crashing down on him. He started running away, whimpering in fear as Harry continued to call out to him.

"Don't forget Draco, there's more where that come from. That…was but an appetizer!" Harry started cackling madly until Draco was out of earshot. "Wow, that actually worked. Maybe the Power He Knows Not is fanfiction…" He turned towards Luna. "Would you by chance have any fanfics of me and Snape?"

"Around seven, the eighth is in-progress."

"Excellent. Any with Lord Voldything and me?

"27 and three with the Death Eaters included."

"…Would you mind if I read them?"

"Anytime Harry, anytime."

But Harry had just one more question that was snapping at him. "…So, why is your username about you, Hermione and me?" Luna grinned.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Harry became a shipper.

* * *

To anyone who caught the Xanauzumaki reference, congratulations! Here's a cookie. It's of the M&M kind.

Special thanks and shout out to lawbreaker13 who'd beta'd this story. Check out her stuff, she has some amazing stories.

Until next time!

Sincerely,

Me


	2. PSA: Down With Cliche

My English teacher often told me that people write to make a point, to state something they're passionate about. Well, here's my statement.

Please note that this is _not_ an attack on anyone or anything, merely a story that wrote itself. I appreciate everyone who reads and writes fanfiction. This is a story for everyone to enjoy, so grab your popcorn, find a comfy seat, and read an awesome fanfic.

Special thanks to PB7 for beta reading this fic, as it was Tom Riddled with errors.

Disclaimer: I can't claim anything. Is that enough? Does that satisfy the disclaimer guidelines? No? Whatever. You all know that I don't own it…Am I running out of disclaimer ideas already? That's sad.

Lunar Phases

Chapter 2

PSA: Down With Cliché

Harry Potter sat brooding in the Room of Requirement, moaning and groaning about…something. It sounded pretty Sirius, though. As the broody teenager continued to brood, he heard the door open which for some reason surprised him. He proceeded to have an inner monologue about who could have opened the door when he decided that the overly complicated solution of turning around might help him figure it out. Thankfully, he was spared from the effort when Hermione revealed herself. "Harry, I was in Professor Dumbledore's office and I found these!" She thrust a giant stack of papers forcefully towards his chest.

As he reached to grab the obnoxiously large stack of 999,999,999,992 pieces of paper, he asked her the completely relevant question of, "Why were you in Dumbledore's office?"

"Because I needed to find these papers!"

"You didn't know that these were there."

"Ignore the plot hole, just read these papers!"

Considering the large amount of papers, Harry decided to channel magic into his eyes allowing him to read faster. It was a skill that he learned over the summer, even though no one taught it to him and he had no way of knowing that it was possible, especially because it's, well, not. "Hermione, these are all betrothal contracts."

"I know."

"That's insane!"

"I know."

"Not to mention that's over 140 times the world population!"

"I know."

"Hermione, could you turn off that record? It's broken."

After doing so, Hermione showed him another much smaller stack of papers, which told him all of Dumbledore's evil manipulative plans. "Look, this squiggly handwriting says that he's forcing you to marry all these girls. This zigzag abomination that's supposed to be calligraphy says that he's your magical guardian, so that all the money that you receive by becoming Head of so many Houses will be his. This obnoxious scrawl here says, 'I'm evil, I'll steal all of Harry James Potter's money, I'll force him to have a harem (every male's nightmare), I'll sacrifice him to Voldemort to destroy the Horcrux that I'll only tell him about while we're both dead. Oh, and I'll kill everyone! Also, I will _never_ write this down!' Even though that last bit was false, everything else must be true! We _have_ to stop him!"

"You're absolutely right, Hermione. Dumbledore is evil! I'm accepting this unnaturally quick, because who has time to write fanfiction realistically?"

"Now, let's stop making unnecessary dialogue and go fight Dumbledore!"

"Great! What's the plan?"

"No plan is needed. What could possibly go wrong?"

 _After everything went wrong_

Harry and Hermione looked around them with war torn eyes. Fires burned everywhere, and aside from the crackling of the flames and of their ragged breathing, no sound could be heard all throughout Earth. They were the last people alive. Harry glared at the brunette next to him. "Told you we should have made a plan."

"No, you asked what it was."

"How would you remember? It was 12 years ago!"

"Harry, it was 12 _minutes_ ago. Now, I've prepared a ritual to fix all of this."

"I don't think there's a ritual with the description 'to fix all this.'"

"It's a time travel ritual."

"I am going to immediately agree to this because this is fanfiction, who needs reality?"

"Stop it. It wasn't funny the first time. Now, we're not actually going back in time, as that would disrupt the space-time continuum."

"Why?"

"Because science. However, we will be able to go to an alternate dimension and try this again, this time with an actual plan!"

"Wait, we can't go back in time in our own universe, but we can travel through dimensions _then_ travel back in time? Why?"

"Must be bad writing. Now, here are the basic facts about this universe. Don't ask how I know them. Let's just say that it involves sock puppets, duck bills, chaos emeralds, and George Washington's left nostril."

"I don't want to know."

"Your parents are alive, you have a twin brother who everyone thinks is the Boy-Who-Lived, they're wrong, your brother is a total jerk and you often punch him without much consequence, you can perform wandless magic, you're totally OP, you don't tell people this, your best friend is Draco Malfoy, you absorbed the Horcrux and have all of Voldemort's memories, you're a super genius, you've been reading textbooks since you were two, and you're the Master of Death."

"Um…"

"Oh, and I'm going to build you a harem, even though that's what we've been fighting against for the last 12 years."

"Didn't you say 12 minutes?"

"I said no such thing. Let's enter this giant portal that just opened, not thinking about any consequences." They dramatically turned towards the portal, which just happened to be dark and swirly, and started to walk into it. After around four steps in, they-

PAUSE

No movement was made. No sound was heard. The ashes were stilled, and the frozen fires no longer crackled. A blonde, waif-like young woman stepped in front of the screen, her footsteps echoing throughout the room. She opened her mouth and began to speak, the words tumbling out of her mouth in an almost unearthly manner. She was Luna Lovegood, and she had something to say. "Hello, I'm Luna Lovegood, and I have something to say." She turned slowly on her heel and walked a few steps before turning around again. "Once upon a time, people would take a beautiful world and turn it into something even more glorious. They'd take someone else's story and make it their own, drawing you in; soon you love it just as much, if not more than the original. That was what fanfiction once was, and that's what it was supposed to be. Sadly, that all changed when a curse struck humanity."

Luna stopped pacing just long enough to say one word. "Clichés." With that, she continued moving back and forth at an increased speed, displaying her frustration. "For far too long, clichés have dominated fanfiction, corrupting originality and creativity. Gone was the Golden Age where no two fanfictions were alike, bringing about the Dark Age of repetition and overused plots. I bet that if I wanted to, I can count a fandom's archetypes on my fingers." She was now pacing furiously, her face flushed from moving so fast. "What's worse, it's as if correct spelling and proper grammar are outlawed! I no can'tt standses hoe herd to reed they bee!" Luna was now sprinting, an impressive feat considering how she kept turning around every six feet. "As you saw above, flow is practically nonexistent. Plot holes are rampant and the author shows no indication of filling them. It's all dialogue with no description. You could barely tell who was speaking! The mindset of, 'It's just fanfiction, you don't need to be a good writer,' runs rampant. While it's true that you don't _need_ to be a good writer, it sure as heck helps! 'It's just fanfiction, what's consistency? Realism? Never heard of it.'"

All of a sudden, she stopped. "It's time we brought this to an end. No more cliché, we want originality! No more plot holes, stories need to flow! And for Merlin's sake, U needses propur zpeling end gramer! For the sake of us all, bring…back…fanfiction!"

A small smattering of applause was then heard. Luna's small audience of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasely, and Albus Dumbledore had been watching her PSA for the last half hour, and there was quite the mixed reaction amongst the group. Luna's look said it all. _Be honest, what did you think?_ This was clearly important to her, so they all decided to be as blunt as possible.

Ron went first. "I'm hungry. Is it dinner time?"

Hermione whacked him over the head, earning a satisfying, 'OW!' "Ronald, be sensitive for once! Unlike _some_ prats." She gave him a glare, making him cower in his seat. "I fully support you and your endeavor to remove cliché from fanfiction. I'm taking a break from SPEW. You have my full and undivided attention, and all my efforts will be focused on ridding the world of cliché." With that, Hermione took out one of her spare notebooks and started writing furiously. She knew she was acting a bit sudden, but hey, Luna wasn't the only one who went through phases!

Luna smiled at the bushy haired witch; it was so nice to have friends. She turned towards Harry, wondering if he would be just as passionate. However, he looked more confused than anything else. "When do we film this? I don't remember this." Hermione looked up from her notes, suddenly interested. Come to think of it, she didn't remember it either.

Luna gave him a sly smile. "Harry, have you ever heard of the Imperious Curse and the Memory Charm?"

Harry stared at her incredulously. "Of course I have, why…you wouldn't." Luna's smile never wavered. He chuckled nervously, shifting in his seat. "Hey, Ron, I think dinner was sausage or something?" With that, Ron sprinted out the door, Harry right behind him.

" _Harry James Potter and Ronald Billius Weasely, where do you think you're going!"_ Hermione turned back towards Luna with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry Luna but I should follow them. Who knows what kind of havoc those two will cause out of my sight?" Luna gave the slightest of smiles, signaling that she was ok with her leaving. Hermione high-tailed it out of there, screaming for Harry and Ron all the while.

Once the door shut behind her, Luna turned to face Headmaster Dumbledore. Luna may not care much what others thought, but not only was this her Headmaster, but he was also the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, and she'd just admitted to casting the Imperious Curse on two people. It didn't help that she indirectly called him a murderer, accused him of being evil, and insulted his handwriting. Luna started to regret inviting him here.

Of all the things he could have said, she expected this the least. "Electricity doesn't work in Hogwarts."

Luna stuttered a bit, something she rarely does. "W-w-what?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, as per the norm. "We were discussing a fanfiction, yet this was a film. You could clearly tell who was speaking as you could hear their voices and you saw whose mouth was moving. You portrayed me as evil, and while I've had more than my fair share of mistakes," he cast his face downward for a moment before returning to his regular, jubilant self, "I don't think of myself as 'evil.' You cast the Imperious Curse on two people, yet your soul is too pure to be capable of casting dark magic. When showing clear frustration at clichés, you seemed adverse to the idea of Harry having power, the ability to use wandless magic, a harem, and being the Master of Death. Having power would aid Harry in defeating Voldemort. Wandless magic is more useful and convenient than the author can describe. If Harry had a harem, he would treat them fairly, as it is against his nature to treat anyone cruelly if he has even the slightest shred of respect for them. As for the Master of Death, well, I wouldn't mind having that status." He looked wistful at his last sentence, and stared off into space for a minute until Luna snapped him back to reality. The irony of that did not escape him.

"Headmaster, what are you trying to tell me?"

Dumbledore's twinkle was on full force. "My dear, I believe we just discovered a series of plot holes and clichés. Before you make any excuses," he quickly added, noticing Luna's expression, "I do not find anything wrong with that. Tell me, was this a 'bad story'?"

Luna didn't know where he was going with this, but decided to humor the old man out of respect for him. "I can't speak for everyone, but I liked it."

"Was there anything you would change about it?"

"Well, there's always room to improve your writing, but I'm pretty satisfied with the finished product."

"So, you liked the clichés?" That stopped Luna up short. "May I also mention that you are using the ultimate cliché by utterly demolishing the fourth wall? This fic alone would turn it into a cliché."

"Headmaster, why are you telling me this?"

"Luna my dear, you're smart enough to figure it out. I'll give you one hint, it's not to be a, as the muggles call it, troll of the internet."

Luna just stared at him blankly, until finally it clicked. "So…what you're telling me is that sometimes, clichés are not a bad thing?"

"Precisely, five points to Ravenclaw! Something becomes cliché when it is used quite often, and it is used quite often because it's interesting and fun to read about. In a sense, it is wise to use cliché material. A great philosopher told us to learn in minutes what others labored a lifetime discovering. The same applies to creative writing; take a collection of great literary devices and make one great story. That's not to say you should _steal_ a work, just that it's ok to play around with others' ideas. If you couldn't do that, you wouldn't have shipping, for only one person could support it." Luna slightly panicked at that one. "You couldn't break the fourth wall because it had already been used, and fanfiction itself would not exist, as the universe it was based off of belonged to someone else."

Luna nodded slowly. "I see…you also mentioned that plot holes were ok, why is that?"

The twinkle could rival a quasar. "My dear, writing is not an easy process. Sometimes, the simplest of sentences can take days to formulate. Having a healthy balance of dialogue and description is quite the challenge for many writers. English is one of the most complex and fickle of the spoken languages, and spelling and grammar isn't an inherent trait. This, along with other difficulties, are a large enough handful for most people." Luna could agree with that; she recalled many late nights struggling over her essay (Ravenclaws still have trouble in school at times) and it seemed that the 'little' issues weren't quite so little. "Formulating a plot is a complex process with no clear step-by-step process. Many procedures must go on in the brain at once. Tying it all together, not to mention making it flow, doesn't happen too often. Can you tell me even one story that you wrote with a perfectly seamless plot? No contradictions whatsoever?"

She couldn't.

He smiled at her over his half-moon glasses. "Contradictions are commonplace, both in writing and everyday life. Having a plot hole isn't the end of the world." He chuckled a bit, stroking his beard as he imparted a life's worth of advice. "Now, I would still avoid it if possible, and I would highly recommend original works, though a contradiction is not the end of the world, and I do enjoy myself a good soul bond fic every so often, though I challenge you to find me three soul bond fics. You'll get pudding if you do."

Luna beamed at the thought of her favorite food. "I'm starting to understand now, professor. Thank you for taking the time to help me with this. I'll tell Hermione not to worry about 'Down With Cliché' and to focus on SPEW again."

"I'm glad you understand, for cliché isn't the real problem at hand."

"Then what is?"

Dumbledore furiously glared at the wall. "Well, let's just say… _Down with hiatus!"_

This was originally just going to be a "Down With Cliché" kinda thing, until I realized how much I love cliché and that I don't mind a small amount of plot holes, and that half the things I read have mediocre grammar. Still, I'm passionate about that last point. If you start a fic, then you finish a fic.

The next chapter will be either, "The Tetris Master" or "The Legend of Luna: Ocarina of Thyme."


	3. Ocarina of Thyme

This was truly fun to write! I might decide to expand upon this sometime…depends on if the God of Impulsivity decides to strike.

I listened to Saria's Song on repeat while writing this.

Thank you to PB7 for beta reading this fic! I recently started reading her Operation: Challenge and I highly recommend you all check it out, as it is pure awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling or Shigeru Miyamoto, therefore I don't own Harry Potter or The Legend of Zelda. I am attempting to patent ocarinas coming out of thyme bushes, though the process isn't going so well.

* * *

Lunar Phases

The Legend of Luna: Ocarina of Thyme

Neville Longbottom sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes as he did so. He was never the greatest at writing essays, and the four-foot long transfiguration paper he was laboring over was no exception. He rubbed his temples to stave off an oncoming headache and stood up, deciding he would head down to the greenhouses for a while. _It's not procrastination_ , he told himself, _since I'm coming back to it later_.

Ten or so minutes later found Neville outside Greenhouse 3. The glass was foggy, though that didn't worry him. It was merely the effect of an accident with a first year casting the wrong spell at a Devil's Snare. He sighed as he recalled Professor Sprout telling him about it. Why use _Aguamenti_ when its weakness is fire? As he reached his hand out towards the door handle, he heard a loud crash and a feminine scream. Without the use of rational thought, Neville's inner Gryffindor took over, and he burst inside with a mighty yell…

…To see Luna Lovegood breaking pots and slashing bushes with a sword.

Neville's first set of emotions was grief and frustration for the loss of many of his beloved plants. His second set of emotions was of awe and any variation of awe, as that was an _awesome_ sword. The third set of emotions was highly mixed, but somehow formed the sentence, "Luna, what in Mordred's orange pipe are you doing?" To his utter chagrin, he received no response. Though he was used to being ignored, it didn't make him any less frustrated. Nonetheless, Luna continued picking up pots, hoisting them over her head, then smashing them to the ground with a high pitched, "YAAH!" As soon as she smashed a pot, she would run over to its shattered remains and dig through it, sometimes taking pieces and putting them in her pockets. Speaking of her pockets, "Luna? What's with the green tunic?" She was dressed in all green, with a green floppy hat, green tights, and the aforementioned green tunic. She had a sword strapped to her back as well as a giant shield. Where did she even get that?

As he was observing her rather…interesting attire, Luna was rummaging through some thyme that she cruelly decimated until she pulled out an ocarina, of all things. She held it high over her head, and Neville barely resisted the strong yet mysterious urge to shout, " _Dah dah dah DAAAAAHH_!" Instead, he opted to ask her one last question, though he wasn't sure why he even bothered by now.

"Luna, why was there an ocarina in the thyme?" he deadpanned. Instead of providing a coherent answer, Luna put the Ocarina of Thyme to her lips and started playing. It was a simple tune, yet beautiful and otherworldly, almost like a flying owl on a clear night. Before Neville could comment on it, he found himself wrapped by a pair of giant, glowing wings, and in the blink of an eye he was back in the Gryffindor Common Room.

He sighed and got back to work. Why didn't he expect her to go through a _Legend of Zelda_ phase? It's not like it was implausible or anything.

He sighed again. He _really_ should hide his Nintendo 64 better.

* * *

What do you guys think? The good? The bad? Constructive criticism is always appreciated. See you all next time on Dragon Ball Z! Wait, I mean on Penguins of Madagascar! I mean Fanfiction! I mean…I should stop.


	4. The Tetris Master

I'm terribly sorry for not updating! First, I got a new computer without Word on it. By the time I got Word, I was starting my Freshman year in college, and was more worried about managing schoolwork (not to mention life as a whole) to worry about writing non-academic papers, THEN I couldn't get the doc manager to work and needed to use my super-geeky ingenuity. So, I have here a short chapter to (hopefully) satisfy everyone until I can salvage more time to write. As always, enjoy the utter nonsense that is my messed up imagination!

Shoutout to lawbreaker13 for beta reading this! I implore you to check out her stuff. Siriusly, I used a big word like 'implore.' That means you HAVE to read her fics!

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter and Tetris, I would not be using the word 'disclaimer.'

Lunar Phases

The Tetris Master

Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and spy for the Order of the Phoenix, didn't like his students. Shocker, right? However, it was quite understandable. When one is passionate about a trade of any kind, they often become frustrated when someone doesn't take it seriously. Snape was no different, and often lashed out at the dunderheads who viewed potions as some sort of 'magical cooking,' not the subtle science and exact art it truly was. Most of them couldn't comprehend the tremendous amount of power those beautiful liquids possessed.

Luna Lovegood was not one of those students. The odd yet perceptive Ravenclaw understood the great importance of potions and gave it the respect they truly deserve. Her work ethic was excellent, though a bit unorthodox. She would spend approximately a third of the period staring off into space, then would begin her potion, finishing before anyone else. The quality was never less than perfect. Snape decided that as long as she finished her work and was consistent with the high quality, he'd let her behavior slide…for now, at least. He didn't condone laziness.

That particular November morning seemed to be the time for change. A third of the period passed, and instead of working, she started to hum a catchy tune. It was… bright. Snape didn't like bright. _This is Lovegood_ , he thought to himself, _she'd start working soon_. However, soon was not soon enough, and he grew impatient. No matter how much he tried to restrain himself, well, let's just say that Snape is not known for his self-restraint.

He glided over to where the peculiar Ravenclaw was sitting. "Ms. Lovegood," he ground out, "what is that tune you are humming? I'm not so sure that I…approve of it." To his chagrin, she completely ignored his question. "Ms. Lovegood, 10 points from Ravenclaw for ignoring my question!"

She looked up and gave a cheeky grin. "Actually, sir, it's 100 points. You see, I just cleared a line." She made some extra movements, and then swiped four rows of lacewing flies away. "Make that 800, because I just got a Tetris!"

Snape was taken aback. "Are you telling me that you have a plethora of highly volatile potions ingredients, all of which can spontaneously combust if handled incorrectly, and you're playing Tetris with them?" He had heard of the game, and found it to be a horrible waste of time. Luna nodded, finding nothing wrong with the situation. With that, Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, lost all respect for one Luna Lovegood. "Everyone out!" He screamed. "Class is over! All of you, out! Ms. Weasley, a point from Gryffindor for breathing too loudly! Lovegood, you're coming with me to the Headmaster's office, now!" He grabbed her roughly by the arm, but she only resumed humming the Tetris Theme. Snape growled, clearly aggravated by both the song and the obvious danger she placed everyone in, and practically dragged her to Dumbledore's office, even though she showed no signs of resistance. He was SO going to knock her out of this Lunar Phase. Maybe he'll just give her a Game Over…or maybe he'll just prank Lord Narrator for being so obsessed with Tetris. Yes…he was in the mood to use those Dungbombs he confiscated from the Weasely Twins…

Back outside the Potions Classroom, Ginny Weasley huffed angrily, her cheeks as red as her hair. "Greasy git! My breathing volume was quite fine, thank you very much."

 _On the behalf of the great Lord Narrator, I present to you this wonderful Line Break!_

"Lightning Bolt Shaped Dark Chocolate Covered Rice Crispy Treats!" As if on cue (which it technically was), the gargoyle protecting the Headmaster's office sprung out of the way, doing a nice 360 as he moved. As Snape practically dragged Luna up the stairs, she whispered, "10 out of 10," in the gargoyles ear, receiving a strange purr of content in response.

A harsh knocking on the Headmaster's door cruelly knocked Luna out of her reverie. "Come in, Severus." The words held a slightly different attitude than the usual happy and serene tone typical of the Headmaster. They were rushed, like he was in the middle of something and was not to be bothered.

Snape, of course, didn't care. He barged right in and started to rant. "Dumbledore, you need to expel this insolent girl! She – what are you doing?" The headmaster was sitting in front of a glowing box (Snape believed that it was called a Tee-Vee or something like that), rapidly pressing buttons on a device connected to it. Looking further, he noticed that there were blocks (for an inexplicable reason, the word 'tetronimoes' conveniently came to mind) falling down the screen, creating rows, each of them disappearing as soon as they were formed. Coming from the box was a familiar…catchy… _bright_ …tune. Snape _definitely_ didn't approve of it.

Before he could reprimand the headmaster for his childish behavior (who even plays Tetris anymore?) Luna decided to take advantage of Snape's momentary silence. "Albus Dumbledore, I challenge you to a game of Tetris!"

Dumbledore didn't even turn from the screen. "My dear, that is a terrible idea. You see, I am the Tetris Master! You cannot hope to beat me in my own realm!"

A scoff threatened to escape from her lips. "Is that so? Then surely you wouldn't mind battling a mere novice such as myself? I'm sure that you could _easily_ defeat me." Hustling was a secret hobby of Luna's.

Dumbledore considered it. "Let's make a compromise," he offered, "How about we play Magical Tetris, a game of my own design" Upon seeing her nod, he continued. "I suggest a little wager to go with out game. If you win, 200 points go to Ravenclaw, but if you lose, I'll _take_ 200 points from Ravenclaw!"

Luna smirked at him, but hid it with a well-placed giggle. "You're on!"

Dumbledore spent the next two minutes making complex wand movements and repeatedly chanting, "Nintendo is awesome…I am the Tetris Master...Majora's Mask is my favorite Zelda game…Gotta catch 'em all…Link _totally_ ended up with Malon…Nintendo is awesome…I am the Tetris Master…"

After a while, various objects in the room turned into blocks, and started slamming together, forming tetronimoes. Dumbledore smiled at Luna over his half-moon glasses, explaining rules that the author is too lazy to create. "Let us begin!"

Severus Snape, who the author may or may not have forgotten about, gazed upon the mayhem like he would upon Longbottom's exploded cauldrons. He strode out of the room, cape billowing behind him. "I don't get paid enough for this."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the nonsense! Here are three things that I must say. First off, Lightning Bolt Shaped Dark Chocolate Covered Rice Crispy Treats are a Honeydukes candy in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I did not make them up. Second, I love Tetris, plain and simple. Finally, to all my fellow Zelda fans, please don't maul me for my chant. That is merely my opinion, and I'd be happy to discuss/debate it in a PM. I'm not even kidding, I love Zelda discussions. I'd be more than happy to discuss anything Zelda/Harry Potter/Percy Jackson/probably anything else.

Reviews appease the fanfiction gods and make Lord Narrator (which may or may not be qwerty19) quite happy.


	5. The Phantom Movie

Summary: "Um… Luna? What in Merlin's half eaten donut are you doing?" "Using the Force, silly. Now, let me continue. …This is not the Ravenclaw you're looking for…"

When Harry shows Luna the six episodes of the "Star Wars" franchise, he has no idea the havoc he unleashed… Or how many people would be Force Choked.

I'll do more of this arc some other time, hence why I'm leaving it _very_ open ended. I'm fine with ideas if you want to give any.

Sorry for not updating. You've heard the college excuse. It's true and applies to me as well. This was just laying on my hard drive for quite some time.

Thank you, PB7, for dealing with my obnoxious writing and being an awesome beta.

Disclaimer: If I owned this, the word 'disclaimer' wouldn't be in my vocabulary.

Lunar Eclipse

Episode 1: The Phantom Movie

Deep within Hogwarts lies a room few know about. Its purposes are many, but at that moment, the Room of Requirement was hosting a deep, thoughtful, in-depth philosophical discussion. "So this muggle device, a Tea Vea as you called it, allows you to play with deeveedees?"

Harry rolled his eyes slightly. He'd been trying to explain this to Luna for the past fifteen minutes. "You know how a pensieve keeps memories?" Luna nodded, understanding beginning to creep into her silvery-gray eyes. "Well, I guess you can say that muggles record a bunch of memories and modify them to become a story. They keep it on this circle, a DVD. It's called a movie, a form of muggle entertainment."

Luna nodded so vehemently, Harry worried that her head might fall off. Thankfully, it stayed attached. She then cocked her head and pointed out, "It's muggle technology, right? So, it must run on eckeltricity, and therefore won't work around magic."

Harry smirked. "I managed to find a rune matrix that would allow it to use ambient magic as a source of power." He could almost hear Snape yelling at him for being just like his father. So arrogant, thinking he's so great just because he invented a rune matrix. He cheekily pointed out that he read it in "Convenient Plot Devices," and that he's never taken runes. 20 points were then mentally taken from Gryffindor.

Luna frowned and looked at him concernedly. "All you all right, Harry? You look like Professor Snape just took off 20 points from Gryffindor. Did the Wrackspurts infest your ears again?"

Avoiding those last few comments with skill that can only come with excessive exposure to Luna, Harry reached for his plot advancement bag, took out the DVD player, a television and six movies, smiling in anticipation all the while. Luna tilted her head with that particularly curious look trademark of a Ravenclaw. "'Star Wars'? What's that?"

Harry's smile, if possible, got even wider. "Only the greatest gifts to ever be presented to mankind. Come on! We're starting with Episode 4!"

"Why –"

"Don't question it, it's awesome."

"But –"

"You want some popcorn?"

"Yes, please."

"Then stop asking questions and watch the opening credits."

 _Six AWESOME FANTASTIC SUPER DOOPER COOL Movies Later_

"Well, that was satisfying. What'd you think, Luna? …Luna?" She was sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Meditating, I am. To become one with the Force, my goal is," slurred Luna. She was visibly exhausted, and showed no signs of wanting to move from her comfortable spot. Harry sighed, though more endearingly than frustrated, and helped her up, putting his arm around her for support.

"Come on. Let's get you back to your dorm. You need sleep." They started slowly walking towards the Ravenclaw dorms, Luna imitating Yoda the whole time.

"To sleep, I don't want. To watch more Star Wars, I do desire. Awesome, it is."

"You're welcome."

"May the Force be with you, Harry!"

 _Hi, I'm Gregory, the Half-Man, Half-Line Break._

The next morning, when walking down to breakfast, Ron decided to ask Harry why he came back so late the night before. "So, Harry, why'd you come back so late the night before?"

Harry chuckled a bit before replying. "I decided it was about time to show Luna the Star Wars films. She seemed to get a kick out of them."

"Please tell me you didn't…"

"Yes, I showed Episode 4 first."

"Oh, good. You worried me for a bit there, mate!" Ron, like almost everyone Harry showed Star Wars to, took quite a liking to it.

Harry frowned a bit. "Speaking of worry, I have a terrible feeling that everything is about to change, and not necessarily for the better. What if she goes through another Lunar Phase?"

Ron smirked. "What, did your paranoia finally break you?" He received quite the punch to the shoulder. "Ok, ok! No need for violence! Everything's going to be all right."

They had reached the Great Hall and were about to open the doors when they heard a malevolent yet frighteningly Luna-esque voice shout, "Fools! Your magic holds no power against the Dark Side of the Force! Kneel before me, the Great and Powerful Darth Vader!"

Ron was no longer smirking. "You know, maybe we should skip breakfast."

"You never skip breakfast."

"Touch é. Just walk in slowly and quietly, and maybe she won't notice us."

This time it was Harry's turn to smirk. Harry 1, Ron 0.

Yes, I'm aware that not all the Star Wars movies were out in Harry's Hogwarts years. Yes, I know they're fairly OOC. Yes, I think it's funny like that and enjoy writing them like that, but I'm open to constructive criticism. Have an AWESOME FANTASTIC SUPER DOOPER COOL day!


	6. Attack of the Crumple Horned Snorkack

Author's Note: Here's a short chapter that occurs directly after "The Phantom Movie." I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, but I hope this appeases The Great and Powerful Audience. They're always watching me…always…

Disclaimer: Is there really a point to doing these anymore? If Rowling wanted to sue me for some reason, it's not like I could point to the disclaimer and say, "See? See? I'm innocent!" Wait, can I? I don't actually remember the legal protection or lack thereof regarding disclaimers.

* * *

Lunar Eclipse

Episode 2: Attack of the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

Because of Luna Lovegood's shenanigans, the Great Hall was in a state of… well, no one was quite sure what adjective it was in a state of. It seemed to vary from person to person. Some were sitting there calmly, enjoying their breakfast; Minerva McGonagall could be seen sipping her tea while discussing the intricacies of Earl Gray with Pomona Sprout. Most were confused. "Who is this girl and what the heck is she doing?" they thought. There were a select few who were panicking, running around like headless chickens. One might ask, "What could Luna be doing that causes such mixed reactions?"

Why, standing on the Hufflepuff table in dark robes, holding a blue lightsaber, and paraphrasing Star Wars characters, of course.

Note that the panicking students consisted of Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and others who can empathize with their single digit IQ.

The doors to the Great Hall opened slightly, and Harry and Ron tiptoed in, hoping to be unseen. Harry prayed that she wouldn't notice them when a feminine voice boomed across the magical cafeteria. "Who goes there?" Luna jumped off of the Hufflepuff table and started to glide towards them. Harry crouched behind Ron, who didn't seem to appreciate being a human shield. "Harry Potter, is that you?" Harry was currently in the fetal position, the urge to suck his thumb becoming stronger. "Dumbledore has taught you well, but you cannot hide forever, Harry Potter! I, Darth Vader, will find you!"

With that, Harry jumped out from behind Ron. He had had enough of this. "All right, I've had enough of this. Darth Vader does _not_ wield a blue lightsaber!"

Hermione, who was sitting at the Gryffindor table, had been fuming from the absurdity of the situation. She also had had enough of this. "Out of all the things you could be frustrated with, what with all the chaos that she is causing, you reprimand her for not having the right color lightsaber?" She made sense, Harry thought, but this is the Wizarding World, and listening to sense wasn't socially acceptable, so he ignored her for the time being.

Luna, usually the epitome of calm, began to look perturbed. "But… I wanted to be Darth Vader… does having the wrong lightsaber really make that much a difference?"

Ron piped up for the first time in the chapter. "Blimey, are you mental? Of course it matters! You can't be Darth Vader with a blue lightsaber! It's unthinkable!" Ron felt a surge of pride for using a big word like 'unthinkable', but he pushed the thought away for later.

Luna was melancholy for a moment, causing those in the Great Hall (everyone had turned to watch the commotion) to hold their breaths. Did this mean she would stop acting like Darth Vader? Maybe she would put away her lightsaber! Where did she get that, anyway? "Fine then." Many occupants of the room cheered. "Instead, I will be… Darth Luna! May the Force be with me!" She then fled from the Great Hall off to Merlin-knows-where, Harry, Ron and Hermione sprinting after her in hopes of preventing any more mischief.

That moment would go down in history as The Great Collective Face Palm.

* * *

Short, I know, but I'm working on some other stuff. I'm starting the obligatory Time Travel/Master of Death fic, and I'm only posting it when it's complete or close to it.

Reviewing will cause a lightsaber with the color of your choice to appear under your pillow, and deactivating it causes shiny rainbow confetti to shoot out the end.

Sincerely,

Lord Narrator

P.S. THE FORCE AWAKENS IS OUT IN 20 DAYS WOOHOO OH YEAH THIS IS AWESOME YEAH MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU AND ALL THAT STUFF!

Ahem.


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